The Birth of “The Death Engineer”
After working in civil engineering for almost a decade, I felt like it was time to try being a different kind of engineer. So here is the story behind "The Death Engineer" and how my curious and imaginative mind inspired me to go down the deathcare path.
My earliest memory of "meeting death" was in elementary school when my family and I attended some funerals. I remember feeling inspired and returning home, gathering all my teddy bears and Barbie dolls, an empty shoebox, and planning a funeral on the living room floor. I chose one of my teddy bears, placed them in the shoebox, and sat all my other toys around in a circle for a lovely ceremony. I think I liked the gathering element of it.
My curiosities around death just continued to grow from there. After watching Tarzan with my auntie and cousins, I asked my auntie what happened to Tarzan's parents. (Spoiler alert: they died at the beginning of the movie.) I wondered why Tarzan didn't see his parents' bodies when he returned to their home years later. That's when I learned that our bodies decomposed and just turned to dust - at least, that's what my auntie told me at the time. I was so intrigued by that.
I've also always been superstitious and curious about paranormal happenings. I follow many superstitions my mom taught me, who learned them from her auntie and grandma. My family and their stories were my gateways into my natural connections to the afterlife and my ancestors. I paid attention to every flickering light, doorbell ringing with no one on the other side, or tv randomly shutting off. All of this meant a little more to me.
Deathwork officially entered my life after my grandpa died in 2016. His death was my first impactful death, and the heavy emotions around grief and loss were such a new feeling for me. I felt and still feel such a special connection to him, so I'm grateful for every time he's visited me in my dreams or as a butterfly.
Almost a year after my grandpa died, I attended a summer program at the Harvard Graduate School of Design to learn more about urban planning and urban design. For my final project, I designed a senior care home facility next door to a body decomposition site. I called my project "Urban Deathkeeping: Re-thinking the way we handle death in the city by considering alternative burial methods".
After presenting my final project at the Harvard Graduate School of Design Career Discovery Program in 2017
The cemeteries throughout the Boston area inspired me, and I became more interested in the thought of cities running out of burial space. That led me to a deep hole (pun intended) of researching alternative burial methods and others ways to care for the dead in America. I soon discovered the Urban Death Project that led to Recompose, created by Katrina Spade. And from there, all my curiosities around death and dying just continued to expand.
In the following year, I decided to join Going With Grace's End of Life Training. It felt right to do at the time, even though I was also in the middle of taking exams for my civil engineering license. I allowed my curiosities the time and space it deserved and participated in the course, giving me the knowledge and confidence I needed to walk further down the deathcare path.
Training to be a Death Doula continued to pull me more into the deathcare space. I knew it was something I could see myself doing, but I still wanted to fulfill my goal to be a licensed civil engineer. So I took a break from deathwork and focused on studying for the exams. Passing all the exams and receiving my license was a monumental item off of my to-do list, and I suddenly felt the calling to pivot back into deathcare.
We experienced so much death and grief in 2020. From the murder of George Floyd, losing friends and family members, and transitioning to a new daily routine overnight. To try to cope with all these emotions, I noticed how my friends and others I followed on social media started to use that platform to expand their voices. Some created social media accounts to showcase their artwork or spread information about social justice and mental health. I was inspired to finally create an Instagram to capture all my curiosities around death, dying, grief, and loss. The Death Engineer was born!
I created the Instagram account in mid-December 2020, and at the time, I didn't expect COVID to affect my family so deeply within the following weeks. Some of my close family members tested positive, and on December 31, 2020, my uncle died from COVID.
By channeling inspiration from my grandpa, my uncle, and all my ancestors, we'll see what's down the path for The Death Engineer. For now, thank you for reading my origin story and for allowing me to share one of my superpowers with you. Death, dying, grief, and loss are so challenging to talk about, and I'm glad I have a space to continue to explore everything about it. I'll only be adding more to this story down the road.
Don't forget to follow me on Instagram, @thedeathengineer, where I continue to share all my thoughts and curiosities around death!